do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
