Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
