Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
