He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
