Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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