It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
how drunk are you?
Several
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
