you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
