the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
