i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
