Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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