I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
