that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
