checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
