I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
