Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
