Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
