I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
