I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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