you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
