I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
