You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
