mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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