How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
