4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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