i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
