I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
