Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
