You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
