My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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