the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
