So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
