My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
