I'm going to jail i love you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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