Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
