It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you had me at cake vodka
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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