12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
