the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
