she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
