based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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