i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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