I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
