I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
