I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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