mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
