So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
