What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
