I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
