Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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