genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
