she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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